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August Update

beatricemorgan

From the Bookshelf

Reading has been a slog this month. It started with a book I thought I should enjoy it couldn’t find enthusiasm for, continued with one I abandoned at 20% because I was utterly bored, and culminated in book that I had to finish so I could lead a book club discussion but it was just. so. bad. Totally killed any desire to read.

Thankfully things are looking up! I started We Shall Be Monsters by Alyssa Wees, and it seems to be just the right combination of creepy woods and complicated families for my tastes. And a few of my holds at the library will come in soon, so I’ve got my fingers crossed that I can fall in love with some new books.

From the Garden

On the collapsed bank that I’m slowly levelling and reseeding (half a metre at a slow, slow time), the perennial wildflower and grass seeds were taking a while to establish. To cover the patches of bare earth in the mean time, I threw a mix of cornfield annuals at it – poppies, corn chamomile, cornflowers, corn marigolds and others – and they’ve sprouted wonderfully.

A broad, red poppy, surrounded by other poppies and cheerful white flowers with yellow centres

From the Yoga Mat

Yoga philosophy and ethics are not just for the mat – we practice them there so we can take them into the rest of our lives. Lately, my guiding principle has been brahmacharya, the conservation of vital energy. Thoughtful allocation of energy is an incredibly usefully tool in managing chronic illness, and while I recover from a recent crash I’ve been thinking about the ways that brahmacharya threads through my daily life.

One of my teachers describes brahmacharya as an instruction to honour all life energy. It is knowing that our energy is sacred, therefore we respect and cherish it. It is even more precious for those of us with energy-limiting illnesses; the instruction to honour and cherish it is even more urgent. Make no mistake, it sucks not to have enough energy to do everything you want to do, but I know that it’s taught me to be deliberate with what and who gets my attention, and I’m grateful for that. I can choose to move to my yoga mat, or look after the garden, or edit my current work-in-progress story, rather than wasting that energy on something that will matter less and bring me less fulfilment (doomscrolling, I’m looking at you). Sometimes, when I’m really not feeling well, it’s about trying to take care of myself as best as I can, in choosing between activities of daily living.

Of course, sometimes the time-wasting activities suck me in anyway, but it’s a useful check-in: am I cherishing my energy? Do my actions reflect the belief that my life energy should be honoured? When the answer is no, that’s a signal I need to redirect my attention something more worthwhile and ultimately more satisfying.

Thanks for reading!

blog, monthly update

July Update

beatricemorgan

I’m once again writing a monthly update during a heatwave. Climate change sure is doing its thing this summer. My writing is still in a slump too – I was just starting to get into the editing swing again when my beloved puppy caused so much chaos in the space of a week that my body said Sit Your Butt Down Or Else. I’m not a fan of the else, so I’ve been dutifully sitting around doing very little at all. On the bright side, I’ve finally had time to watch Abbott Elementary, which has been on my to watch list since the first season came out, and has been as delightful as promised. Highly recommend.

From the Bookshelf

My library hold on We Can Do Better Than This came in, and I guzzled it at lightspeed. A collection of essays by queer writers, entertainers and activists, edited by Amelia Abraham, it was predictably angering and saddening, but also energising – there’s so much we still need to do for LGBTQIA+ equality, in the UK and around the globe. I was especially glad to see the inclusion of ace and intersex contributors, as people who are often left out of these kinds of conversations.

My favourite bit of fiction for the month was The Angel of the Crows by Katherine Addison. I loved Addison’s The Goblin Emperor, and while this book didn’t have the same heft, in terms of world building or sheer size of the volume, it was still a great read. A supernatural Sherlock Holmes retelling, it was faithful in tone and character to ACD’s works, while still bringing a wholly original spin. Angels, hellhounds and spirit-wounds abound.

From the Garden

Though they’re a little late in gaining height, the sweat peas continue to trundle upwards. The ox-eyes daisies and mallows have reached the end of their time, and the annuals have taken centre stage. Each year I like to try out new bedding plants, and this year I got my hands on a mix of dahlia ‘Figaro’ plants in a wonderful variety of colours and configurations.

Efforts to transform much of the garden into a wildlife haven continue, and we’re finally in the part of the year when I can start letting the plants take care of themselves. Previous years of infrequent mowing allowed an interesting variety of species to establish in the lawn (doing it this way means I don’t have to research and test to find species that will tolerate dry, alkaline conditions; the plants that like this specific habitat are ready and waiting to grow), and now we reap the benefits. The clumps of wild marjoram that have sprung up are much visited by pollinators.

From the Yoga Mat

Meditation has been the main focus of my practice while I dial back my energy expenditure to recover from doing too much. I’ve never been a natural meditator: my brain is a very noisy place, not easily convinced to shut up and focus on the breath. In fact, I first learned to meditate by simply tiring myself out during asana practice; lying, exhausted, in Savasana taught me (slowly, incrementally) to hang out in stillness and silence. It’s an old friend now, albeit one I still get irritated with when our plans don’t align. The noise is no less noisy just because I’ve learned to ignore it sometimes.

As I’ve been relishing my meditation practice so much, I finally did what I’ve wanted to for months and applied to be a teacher on Insight Timer, my favourite meditation app. I was accepted, and my first guided meditation, “Gentle Curiosity,” is available to practice with! It’s been a bit of a learning curve, working out how to record and edit audio, and I’ve still got a ways to go, but I’m happy with how this turned out. You can find the track here (you don’t need to download the app or make an account to listen).

Thanks for reading!

A cacophony of large white flowers with bright yellow centres
blog, monthly update

June Update

beatricemorgan

The weather is outrageously hot here today. So rather than hanging out in the garden with the dogs, I’m hiding inside in the (relative) cool, making it the perfect time for the first update since I redid my website!

From the bookshelf

I was in a reading slump for most of the spring. Every book felt like the same old meh. So I turned to a reliable favourite, and listened all the way through Terry Pratchett’s City Watch series. The audiobook editions I listened to were narrated by Jon Culshaw, and it was such a great experience. Really well done. And of course, Pratchett’s writing was as funny and angry and comforting as usual, and made me feel a bit better about dealing with our broken world. He doesn’t flinch away from all the ways people can be selfish and power hungry and exploitative, but he also doesn’t stop telling us that we are better than than. We can DO better than that.

That’s what I find so comforting about the City Watch books: Sam Vimes knows exactly what beastly behaviour he is capable of, and what power structures will allow his beastliness to cause worse harm, and he says “Absolutely not.” He will be a better person, he will make a better world, even if he has to use stubborn determination, battle bread and his own two hands to do it.

We can all fight for Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Loved and a Hard Boiled Egg. As ever, GNU Terry Pratchett

From the garden

After a spring with the least helpful weather possible (baking heat when we needed rain; miserable rain when we needed sunshine) thing are finally moving in the garden. My sweet peas are finally starting to put on some height and all the bedding plants are in the ground.

My ongoing efforts to fill the garden with native flowers continue to pay off, both in the volume of insects and birds crowding the place, and the gorgeous sight of all thesepurple mallows. I fell in love with them last year, when they turned up in a wildflower seed mix I threw at a scrappy bit of mud, and now I cannot get enough.

Pale purple flowers clustered on long stalks

This year’s new addition to the favourites is the ox-eye daisy. I planted them last year, but they’re perennials that need some time before they’re ready to flower. And boy do they put on a joyful display. They never fail to bring a smile to my face. I suspect they’re going to be a long-standing feature in this garden – the soil is such poor quality (a thin layer of heavy clay over pure chalk) that many of my gardening experiments fail, but the ox-eye daisies do not care a single bit about the inhospitable circumstances.

A cacophony of large white flowers with bright yellow centres

From the yoga mat

With most of my energy going to the garden and the puppy at the moment, the time I have for asana (the physical practice of yoga) is limited. Instead I’ve been focusing on the mindfulness and meditation practicesthat I let slip while I was so busy with the puppy’s first few months. My favourite addition has been starting the day listening to THIS beautiful version of the Gayatri mantra, which meditates on the illuminating and awakening properties of the Sun.

Thanks for reading!